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What! No Sausages?!

Yesterday I decided that we need to eat more healthily so I did a healthy food shop which is due to be delivered later. If you hear that there has been a small explosion somewhere in the north of England DO NOT PANIC. It will just be cherub 2 hitting the roof when he finds out I haven’t bought any sausage rolls.

Mr V is less than enthusiastic. He has told me that his diet of chicken and chips is perfectly balanced, thank you very much, and under no circumstances am I to throw out his frozen goods.

Even the wee hairy boys will be included in this health drive. Vegas is looking a bit…cover your ears Vegas…*whispers* a bit portly.

I realise that I’m going to be dragging my family kicking and screaming through the next week but I comfort myself with the thought that cherub 1 has no money for a sneaky pizza and cherub 2 has been stomping about like he’s on his man period anyway so I doubt we’ll notice the difference when he makes a fuss.

By Friday my family will be quivering, sugar deprived wrecks, hugging the freezer and sobbing for ice cream. I include myself in this, for I am ambidextrose. I can use any source of sugar.

The problem is that I do cook when I’m home in time for dinner but if I’m not there my family fill themselves up on rubbish, ignore all the healthy things which need to be cooked and head straight for the chicken nuggets. This is why I hide things in the vegetable drawer – I’m the only one who ever goes in there!

Well no more. The next step is teaching them all to make stuff that doesn’t come with instructions. Of course they will claim that this is impossible. That they can’t be expected to remember this stuff. That it is all too complicated! Whereupon I will break the news that this is fine because we’re going to consolidate the learning next week.

That rumbling sound you can hear? That’s the sound of Mr V gnashing his teeth because I’ve told him I didn’t order any chocolate biscuits.

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