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Axes & Cocktail Roulette

I went axe throwing yesterday. According to the instructor I am “a little menace.” The thing about chucking axes at a target is that, unless you are someone who listens properly to the instructions, the axes tend to bounce off the target. Or in my case, walls and, once, the ceiling.

Being a left handed person in a right handed world I am so used to right handed things that I often get confused about which handed I am. So the instruction “if you are left handed then put your right leg forward” somehow got muddled and I ended up throwing right handed with the wrong leg forward. To be honest, I just lack any coordination whatsoever. It’s why I can’t do aerobics or zumba. I go in the opposite direction to everyone else. I also have to think before I use revolving doors and struggle to screw lids on things. Throwing in a straight line is not my forte. Nor is planning ahead, it seems.

I hadn’t thought through that I’d have to pick the damn things up off the ground. When you have sciatica the ground is something that other people do. I developed a method of semi squatting with my legs apart then reaching to the side. The instructor, probably fearing I was about to either give birth or do a poo, asked if everything was okay. “I’m just old!” I wailed. He was so kind, rushing forward to pick up my axes for me, that I’m half wondering how long I can use sciatica as an excuse to get out of doing things. The NHS website says it takes 4 to 6 weeks to heal. Our dishwasher is very low. I fear my sciatica may go on for months.

After a few practice rounds it was time for a competition. There were 9 of us and I knew I didn’t stand a chance of winning the actual competition. However the real competition was between myself and Mr V. He was ahead in the first three rounds, although I did manage to score a few points, then in the last round, admittedly by sheer luck, I managed to hit the inner ring of the target. It’s just as well he loves me because I’m not magnanimous in victory. I’m more about whooping, dancing and never letting him forget it 😀

Afterwards we went to the pub. I asked the barman if they did cocktails. “I’ll get you the cocktail menu,” he offered. “Oh no you won’t,” I told him, “we’re playing cocktail roulette. Just make me a cocktail. Any cocktail!” I have no idea what I drank last night but it was all lovely and for a brief while the sciatica was forgotten. Maybe I should have had cocktails before I went axe throwing?

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