This is an appeal on behalf of a sugar and fat deprived family. Please do something about Mrs V. She has cut off our supply of chocolate biscuits and replaced them with 😱 fruit! Even worse, now she is torturing us with 😱 VEGETABLES!!
We have become increasingly suspicious that she is plotting to poison us with vitamins. Her search history shows the following:
‘Best vitamins for bones’
‘Men in kilts’
‘How to kake your own granila’
‘Can you overdose on vitamins’
‘Best ways to hide vegetables’
‘Best ways to hide vegetables NOT pornography’
‘Best ways to hide vegetables in food’
We asked about kaking granila. She claims she was making granola. We do not believe her. We think this was code for ‘how to kill your own family.’ Possibly with an army of kilted men. She also claims that she is not talking to google right now because it’s a vegetable pervert.
We have donned our arctic gear and journeyed to the back of the freezer in search of ice cream and onion rings but the cunning witch has replaced them with broccoli. Endless amounts of broccoli.
The wee hairy boys have given up all hope of tasty leftovers and are gnawing hopefully on an old bone they found in the garden.
So if you could at least tell the well-padded psychopath to reinstate supplies of biscuits (any biscuits) we would be very grateful.
Mr V, the cherubs and the wee hairy boys x