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Always Wear Clean Knickers

I’ve become a bit obsessed with the Coronavirus. Being of middling years and on immunosuppressants I’m worried. No amount of reassuring posts that I have more chance of dying from many other illnesses (thanks for that!) will make me not worry. When I started to stress about how I’d work from home “and what if my computer broke and there was no IT department to fix it?!” Mr V said I needed to calm down and reminded me that I could get run over by a bus tomorrow. “That’s precisely why I always wear clean knickers! What if the Coronavirus ambulance comes and I have no clean knickers because we’ve been too ill to do washing?!” I wailed, perfectly reasonable as always and completely forgetting that there are reasons to wear clean knickers other than dire warnings from my mother about ambulance men finding me wearing dirty ones. I’m not quite sure why she thought ambulance men would be removing my knickers anyway. I once went in an ambulance. I wasn’t wearing any knickers at all and nobody checked! Although in my morphine induced haze I probably reassured them that they didn’t need to.

Anyway, I digress. I suspect I might be Making A Fuss but when Mr V announced he was going to attempt to cut his own hair (usually my job) I seriously asked, “is this in case I get Coronavirus?” He also claimed to have cleaned the bathroom. I decided that I could file this under ‘Miracle’ rather than ‘Preparing for My Departure’.

So far Mr V has managed to prevent me from blowing our life savings on hand gel and antibacterial wipes. A space suit is apparently out of the question – and not just because they don’t come in BBBB (big boobs big bottom) size 🤷‍♀️ Yes, I actually googled ‘space suits for well-padded ladies’ and discovered that NASA ran out of women’s sizes last year. So we have done the best we can for now – imposed strict hand washing and sneezing into your sleeve rules.

I’m trying to make light of things and laugh at myself for being such a fusspot but underneath there’s a real streak of worry. I’d say I was wearing my heart on my sleeve in this post but my sleeve is a bit too crispy right now.

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